


small steps forward and back

by adiwriting



Series: Heartbeat [13]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M, Malex trying to navigate this new peace between them, Mostly Fluff, cause who doesn't love a good family meal together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 16:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30142353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adiwriting/pseuds/adiwriting
Summary: Michael hates how nervous he gets around Alex, but he can't help it. Even if Alex is here for their daughter and not for him, he still can't help how his stomach twists into knots and his heart aches with want.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Heartbeat [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2178315
Comments: 60
Kudos: 116





	small steps forward and back

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am. Still on my same shit cause it's now my happy place and we all deserve a happy place.

Michael sits at a table towards the front of the diner so that he can keep an eye on Nova Mae as she works the front door for Arturo in exchange for free french fries. Her job currently entails welcoming every customer as they come through the door and saying thank you when they leave. She has also recently been given the responsibility of handing out menus as people sit down. Nova Mae is in heaven. Every time she doesn’t have something to do, she keeps running back over to him with a smile a mile wide, excitedly explaining all about her ‘big girl job.’ 

Michael isn’t stupid. He knows damn well that Arturo doesn’t need help working the door and so what they are really doing is just getting free fries from Arturo for nothing. But while he doesn’t typically make it a habit out of accepting charity from others, he’s learned over the years that it’s not really charity when people want to give things to Nova Mae. He’s learned that a lot of people just enjoy being around kids for whatever their own personal reasons are, and so it’s less like accepting help and more like a mutually beneficial arrangement. Arturo enjoys having Nova Mae around and Nova Mae loves being at the Crashdown. Her helping Arturo work gives him an excuse to bring her without constantly having to shell out the cash to pay for a meal every time she wants to say hello. 

He checks his watch for the eighth time in the last five minutes. 

4:57pm. Alex had told him that he’d be here by 5pm. 

He hates that he’s so nervous. Hates the butterflies in his stomach and the way that he feels like throwing up every time the door opens. He has no reason to be this anxious. He trusts Alex to show up. He does. Alex might have run away in the past, but this is different. Alex as a boyfriend is flighty, never willing to take what he wants from life. But Alex as a father? 

Alex as a father will be different. 

He has to believe that things are going to be different for Nova than they were for him. He’d seen Alex with Nova yesterday. He’d see the love and fondness in his eyes, especially by the end of the day, once the tension and the nerves had truly left him. Alex had never looked at him with that kind of unguarded affection. 

It  _ will _ be different for Nova. He’s got a strong sense of duty that has always worked against Michael in the past, but for Nova, it will work in her favor. Alex would never willingly abandon his own kid.

_ Which is why he’s so angry with you,  _ Michael reminds himself, shaking his head as a wave of guilt moves through him and settles in his stomach. 

Michael didn’t realize that it would be this hard. He’d thought about telling Alex a million times. He’d run every scenario he could think of in his mind. He’d prepared himself for Alex running for the hills and never wanting anything to do with them. He’d dreamed about Alex embracing them as his family and finally getting that elusive white picket fence people always talk about. But he had not mentally prepared himself for what he can now see was always the most likely outcome: Alex wanting to be involved with Nova but wanting nothing to do with  _ him _ . 

God, maybe he shouldn’t be here. Maybe when Alex shows up, he should just hand Nova off and promise to pick her up when they are done with dinner. After all, Alex had said he needed space and here he is, in his space. But the reality is, he won’t leave. While Alex and Nova’s relationship is still so new and fragile, Michael won’t leave Nova on the off chance she needs him. Isobel would tease him about being overprotective, but it would be irresponsible of him to leave her to her own devices. 

So instead, he will suffer through this painful dinner in which his heart shatters every time he sees Nova with Alex and he’s not allowed to want anything for himself. Because that’s what parents do. They do hard things because it’s what’s best for their child. 

He looks back down at his watch. 4:58pm. 

Nova walks past him carrying a handful of menus to a table of teens that just sat down, waving at him on her way and nearly dropping the menus. It’s as he’s watching her walk past that he sees Alex approaching through the window outside. He takes a deep breath as his stomach turns into knots, trying to steel his heart. 

Alex looks good. Really good. He’s filled out over the last four years. His shoulders got broader and his face more defined. There’s a strength to him, which Michael knows from experience based on the delicious bruising he had on his hips from their adventures at the reunion. But Alex isn’t here for him and Michael would do best to remember that. 

The door opens and Michael hears Nova yell from across the diner, “Daddy!” 

And in that exact second, Michael realizes that they’d never discussed what Nova would call Alex out in public. But he doesn't have time to worry about anyone’s reaction because Nova is literally throwing herself into Alex’s arms. Michael is horrified as he watches Alex take several steps backwards under the weight of her and the only thing that keeps them from falling is his telekinesis. Michael hadn’t even  _ thought _ of talking to Nova about being careful with Alex’s leg. He’s a total idiot because he knows how she is. 

“Nova Mae,” he says quietly but sternly, walking over to stand at their side, ready to take Nova out of Alex’s arms at a moment’s notice, but Alex shifts her around for a moment and then seems to have his balance back. “You can’t just jump on people.” 

Nova tilts her head in the way she does when she’s confused. “But I dump on you and you cat me.” 

He opens his mouth to explain that it’s different for Alex, but then doesn’t know how to explain why without potentially putting his foot in his mouth and offending Alex. Alex doesn’t help either. He just stands there, watching Michael, waiting to see what he’s going to say and it feels like a test. 

“Not everyone wants 40lbs of chaos coming at them without warning. At least ask first,” he says, hoping it’s enough to curve Nova’s curiosity without having to bring up Alex’s leg at all. 

Alex eyes him for another moment, but Michael must pass whatever test he’d given him because he relaxes a bit and looks at Nova. “It’s fine, Kiddo. You just need to be careful with my crutch.” 

Nova leans over, completely confident in Alex’s grip on her even if Michael is on edge and ready to use his telekinesis at a moment’s notice. She looks at his leg then back up at Alex, her face puzzled and Michael can only hope that whatever question is about to come out of her mouth is at least tactful. 

“Why you onwy haf one cutch?” she asks. 

“I only need one,” Alex explains and Michael starts to lead them over to the table so that Alex isn’t stuck standing there, blocking the doorway, and holding her. 

Nova considers that before nodding her head. “Okay.” 

Alex laughs at her easy acceptance and she wraps her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly as he sits down at the table with Nova still in his arms. When she pulls back she rubs his cheek with her hand for several moments. 

“Yes?” Alex asks, amused. 

“You not scatee wike Daddy,” she says, reaching up with her second hand to rub his other cheek before giggling to herself. 

“Aww, your daddy’s scruff isn’t so bad,” Alex says and Michael ducks his head into his menu as his mind not so helpfully supplies him with images of Alex’s inner thighs covered in beard burn. Yeah, Alex had never complained about his scruff. 

“Fumtime it tickahs,” she tells him, pointing to her own lip. “Wike when you kit-im.” 

Michael pulls his menu up higher to make sure his face is covered, wanting to sink into the floor. He’s sure that the last thing Alex wants to be talking about right now is what it feels like to kiss him. 

“Yeah,” Alex says, and Michael is surprised by the soft finesse in Alex’s voice. But Alex clears his throat and quickly changes the subject. “So how was your day?” 

“It good,” she tells him and at that point Michael tunes out the rest of their conversation, intent on doing his best not to intrude. Or at least that’s what he tells himself. The reality is that it’s incredibly hard to sit at a table like this with Alex and not allow his heart to run away with feelings. The entire thing is just so domestic. To anyone looking in, they look like a loving family, catching up with each other after a long day at work and that? Letting his mind picture a happy little family for himself with Alex? It’s a dangerous thing. 

His phone dings with a text and he pulls it out, eager for whatever distraction it might bring. There are a handful of missed messages, which gives him plenty to focus on while Nova tells Alex all about her day attempting to build a rocket ship while Michael and Sanders worked. 

There’s a missed message from Max, asking if they want to join him for an Invaders game on Wednesday because he got free tickets. Michael lets him know that he’s interested but asks what time the game is to be sure they can make it. There’s a message from one of the guys in his grad class begging for help with this week’s assignment. Isobel has texted him three different screenshots of outfits she’s bought and ordered for Nova, not asking for permission, but simply letting him know to expect the package, demanding pictures of Nova in the clothes once they arrive. Finally, and most recently, Dr. Gillman has texted him confirming he will be in town on the 16th and if he’d like to come over for dinner after his class. 

Michael smiles at that one. He’s been glad to be back in Roswell and surrounded by family after four years away, but that doesn’t mean that they didn’t leave people behind that they missed when they moved. He replies to confirm that Nova and he will be there on the 16th, because, like hell Nova will allow him to leave her behind if he’s seeing Dr. Gillman. Most people assume that Nova got her love of all things science and space from him, but the truth is she didn’t. She got it from growing up around the professors at UNM who used to do science experiments with her while he was busy still cleaning the labs after the on site daycare would close. 

“Daddy fay you wok today too,” Nova says, as he responds to his last message and sets the phone to the side. 

“I did.” 

“You fik ca like Daddy?” she asks and Michael isn’t overly thrilled to get into this discussion. He hasn’t told Nova what Alex does because he likes to avoid thinking about it as much as possible. 

Alex shakes his head. “I work with computers.” 

Michael just barely holds back a snort. Alex might work with computers, he wouldn’t really know. They’ve never talked about his time in the military, but it’s certainly an interesting way to explain his actual job. Michael is pretty sure that most people who work with computers aren’t regularly sent to active war zones. 

“What you do with computahs?” she asks. 

“Well,” Alex pauses and looks up at him, and Michael quickly tries to pretend that he’s not equally as interested in Alex’s answer as Nova is. He shifts around in his seat uncomfortably as he looks down at the menu another time even though he knows he won’t be ordering anything. His stomach is still in knots and has zero interest in food at the moment. “I catch bad guys.” 

Again, Michael just barely holds back a snort. Michael has experienced a lot of evil in his life, but rarely has it come from abroad. The Alex of ten years ago would have agreed. He wonders just how long it took Alex being in the military to start buying whatever crap lines they were feeding him. Michael doesn’t know what Alex is doing for the Air Force, but he’s entirely sure saying he’s catching bad guys is a gross oversimplification. 

“Like Unca Max?” 

“Uh,” Alex looks to him, confused. 

“Max is a deputy for the sheriff’s department,” he tells him, leaving it at that rather than adding his own commentary at what he thinks about Max’s job. Michael appreciates Max’s position as a cop about as much as he appreciates Alex being enlisted in the USAF. 

“Kind of,” Alex tells Nova. She tilts her head at him, her eyebrows furrowing in frustration, and it hits him hard how similar the expression is to Alex. There are few things Nova hates more than a vague answer, which is very much something she got from Alex. Michael’s spent his whole life dealing with vague answers and learning to be grateful for the smallest scraps of information, but not Alex and not Nova. 

“Why kind of?” she asks. 

“How is the World’s Best Door Greeter?” Arturo asks, coming up to their table to take their order. 

“Oh thank god,” Michael mumbles to himself, glad to have a distraction and hopefully a change in topic. 

“Aturwo!” Nova says excitedly even though she’d greeted the man an hour and a half ago when they’d first walked in. She stands up in the chair, her feet just barely balancing on the ends of the chair around Alex’s thighs. Alex has to hold onto her as she hugs the man. 

“Nova, sit down Baby, Alex isn’t a jungle gym,” he tells her. She sits back down in Alex’s lap without argument, but her attention remains entirely on Arturo. 

“I wanna mikfake,” she tells him and Michael snorts. 

“You are having chicken and broccoli,” he tells her, to which she sighs dramatically. 

“But I wanna mikfake,” she complains, looking over at Michael. When he doesn’t budge, she pouts and looks at Alex, hoping he’ll let her have the milkshake Michael is so rudely depriving her of. It’s a move she likes to use on Max and Isobel, but not one he ever lets slide. 

“Nope, I already said no, and Daddy’s the boss,” he says what he always says whenever Nova tries to go around his back but the moment he says it, he pauses, looking at Alex worried. It’s one thing to override Max or Isobel’s authority because, at the end of the day, Nova isn’t their child and it’s his job to make sure that she’s taken care of. But Alex isn’t just any guy, he’s Nova’s dad too, and in theory, he should get an equal say in the decisions being made. 

He eyes Alex, waiting for his anger to rise at the way Michael undercut his authority, but Alex doesn’t seem phased as he rattles off his order to Arturo and Nova pouts in his arms. 

“And for you?” Arturo asks him and he shakes his head. 

“Just coffee is fine,” he tells the man, who nods. 

Alex holds out his hand to stop Arturo from walking away but his eyes are on Michael. “You’re not eating?” 

Michael shrugs. “I’m not hungry.”

Alex eyes him critically and Michael blushes, aware that he’s stepping into an old pattern of theirs. Back when they were kids and Michael was living out of his truck, Alex would always want to get takeout to bring out into the desert with them and Michael would never get food, citing he wasn’t hungry when in reality he just couldn’t afford the meal. High school Alex never caught on, but when the pattern continued repeating itself at 19? At 21? At 23? Alex figured it out real fast. 

“I promise, I’m not hungry,” he says. “My stomach isn’t feeling all that great.” 

Alex holds his gaze for another moment before he relents, dropping his arm so Arturo can go put in their order. 

“If you weren’t feeling well, we could have rescheduled,” Alex tells him. 

“It’s fine,” he says. He can’t exactly say the truth, which is that  _ Alex _ is the reason his stomach is in knots so no matter when they rescheduled, he’d feel like this. 

“Daddy?” Nova says and they both hum in response before realizing that Nova’s looking at him. “If I eat my boccowi, I can haf a mikfake?” 

Michael considers the question first before answering. He holds up a finger, “You have to eat all of your broccoli,” he says then holds up a second finger. “And you have to eat at least two whole pieces of chicken.” 

“One?” she asks and he shakes his head.

“Two.” 

Nova sighs, considering. “Can I get MMMs?” 

Michael nods. “Sure.” 

“Okay,” she says, looking back at Alex. “You wike MMM mikfake?” 

Alex smiles down at her. “It was my favorite milkshake when I was your age.” 

Michael smiles at that, cataloging that fact and mentally adding it to the list of ways Nova is clearly Alex’s daughter despite how much everyone calls her a Mini-Michael. 

“Weally?” she asks, eyes wide. “Daddy not wike MMMs.” 

“Well your Daddy is wrong, M&Ms are great,” Alex whispers to her loud enough for Michael to hear and he just rolls his eyes playfully as Nova laughs. 

“You guys are both wrong, Peanut Butter Blast Off is the way to go,” he says. 

Sitting here bantering over milkshake flavors helps loosen the knot in his stomach a bit, and the conversation between the three of them manages to flow smoothly all through dinner and later dessert. Eventually, they lose Nova when Liz comes home from whenever she’d been tonight and it’s just the two of them while Nova sits at the counter with Liz discussing all things science. Things grow silent between them without Nova as a buffer and Michael doesn’t really know how to breach it. Nor is he sure he should try. After all, he’s supposed to be giving Alex space. 

“Nova really likes Liz, huh?” Alex asks, eyes on Nova and Michael can’t really interpret his tone. He wonders if he should call Nova back over, even though it would most certainly cause a tantrum. After all, Alex came here tonight to hang out with Nova not him. 

“You know how it is, a girl in STEM and all,” he says, before realizing that Alex probably doesn’t know how it is. He hasn’t been around Nova hardly at all. He bites his tongue to keep from digging himself deeper and sinks further into his seat, wishing the ground would swallow him whole. 

Good one, he curses himself. Remind Alex that he doesn’t know Nova that well because Michael had kept him from her. That will go over well. 

Alex doesn’t respond, but Michael can tell that his words have made him uncomfortable. 

“Nice weather we’ve been having,” Michael says quickly, eager for a change in topic, but immediately winces at how pathetic it sounds. 

Alex shrugs. “I guess.” 

They fall into a silence again that is only momentarily broken up when Artruro comes over to clear their table and make small talk with the both of them. Funny, when Arturo comments about the beautiful day, it doesn’t sound nearly as desperate. It sounds natural. Why the fuck can’t Michael just be a normal person and make conversation without sounding like an idiot? 

Nova comes back over to their table and tugs on the small backpack with all her things before Michael reaches out to help her. 

“It cod Daddy,” she tells him and he notices the goosebumps on her arms. It has gotten chilly Michael realizes as he looks outside to the setting sun. He pulls out her UNM sweatshirt and helps her pull it over her head, tightening her ponytail afterwards and readjusting her antenna. 

“It’s getting late and you need a bath tonight,” he says, grabbing her wrist as she tries to immediately run off. “You’ve got ten more minutes.” 

“Okay,” she agrees, but he keeps a hold of her until she says, “Ten minute, I know.” 

He lets go of her and she runs back off to Liz. 

“So, uh… UNM? Alex asks awkwardly, and Michael can see he’s being very careful not to step on any of the countless landmines between them. UNM is a particularly sensitive one given how many times Alex had pushed Michael that summer not to give up his scholarship. And how it later came up in every fight they’d ever had over the years, Alex always telling him that he’d wasted his life not taking his scholarship. 

Michael hesitates for a moment, not sure if he should tell Alex that he ended up going to UNM. That he’s currently enrolled in their hybrid grad program with plans for a doctorate after that. That the head of the engineering program has basically promised him a professorship after he graduates and agreed to waive his tuition if he adjuncts once he’s got his masters. 

He doesn’t know how Alex would react to the news. Pride? Satisfaction? Smugness? Alex’s face doesn’t hold any of them well and while Michael is used to the surprised but pleased looks from others when they find out that he has his degree and is going to be a teacher, he doesn’t know if he’d handle the same look from Alex very well.

Michael didn’t go to UNM to become a contributing member of society — whatever the fuck that means, as if fixing their cars, working their farms, and cleaning their classrooms weren’t jobs that contributed greatly to society — he went to UNM for Nova. Because this world doesn’t pay a living wage to a single parent without a college degree. 

“I just mean…” Alex trails off, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as he fumbles for the right words to say. “I’m just trying to fill in the blanks. I missed the first four years of her life…” 

Michael takes pity on him, realizing that he truly isn’t trying to start anything, that he’s just trying to learn more about Nova. It was stupid of him to assume Alex was remotely interested in him or what he’s done. 

“I moved to Albuquerque when Nova was nearly four months old looking for more steady work and better services for Nova,” he says. “I got a job at UNM as a janitor. It offered full time hours, a flexible schedule, affordable child care, and tuition waivers.” 

Alex nods, his eyebrows going up momentarily as if he was impressed, which is not usually the reaction people have when he tells them that he did janitorial work for the last four years. But the truth is, that job had been a lifeline to him in so many ways. 

“So why’d you move back?” he asks and Michael sits back in his seat, momentarily offended at his tone before Alex rushes to clarify. “I just mean, it sounds like you guys had a good set up there. Why come back to Roswell?” 

“I wanted to be closer to my family,” he explains. “I only moved to Albuquerque so that I could get my feet under me, it was never meant to be for so long. But…” he trails off with a shrug, not getting into how he’s started school and that’s what had kept him away as long as it had. 

“Does Nova miss it?” Alex asks. 

“Albuquerque?” 

Alex nods, sitting forward in his seat more, resting his elbows on the table. Michael ends up mirroring him before he even realizes that he’s doing it and once he does, he feels like it would be even more obvious to abruptly sit back again, so they sit there, leaning into each other, talking like actual friends talk. Two people that care for one another. It’s nice. 

“I mean, she misses her preschool friends and her teachers,” he says. “And I know she misses the UNM staff.” 

“Oh god, I can’t even imagine Nova in preschool,” Alex says, shaking his head. “Isn’t she too advanced?” 

“Only in math and science, she still can’t read or anything,” he says. “Being with kids her own age is good for her developmentally… Or so I’ve been told.” 

The truth is, Michael is nervous about Nova starting preschool here. The program at UNM had some amazing teachers that were able to differentiate enough to keep Nova’s mind actively engaged even as her classmates were still learning how to count. And when her teachers couldn’t always tend to her every curiosity, many of the UNM professors, whose offices Michael cleaned, would bring Nova into their labs and show her their research. He’s been warned by her preschool teachers that Nova might get bored easily and he might want to consider a private preschool program, but Michael can’t afford that, so Nova’s going to go to the public preschool and he’ll just figure out how to keep her mind engaged and learning in their free time. 

“Does she have friends?” Alex asks. 

“She did, back in Albuquerque,” he says. “We haven’t really had the chance to meet kids her age yet.” 

Michael had set up a playdate with Kendall Garrison’s little girl that he’d cancelled yesterday so that Nova could spend the day with Alex. Not that he’s going to mention that to Alex. It’s not a big deal. He’ll reschedule with Kendall and in the meantime, Nova is happy as a clam spending her free time with the family she hasn’t ever been around for longer than a week at a time. 

“And you?” Alex asks, eyes looking away from him like he’s not overly sure that he wants to be asking the question. “Do you, uh, do you miss it?” 

Michael shrugs. He does miss it. He loves being closer to Max and Isobel and he appreciates being able to help Sanders out more readily given that the man is getting so old… But he misses the science labs. He misses being able to talk to the professors about the research they are working on while he cleans their offices. He misses being around people who can engage him on an intellectual level. And he misses the paycheck… though that won’t be true for long since he will start up at RJH in August. 

“Roswell’s home, ya know,” is what he ends up saying, sure Alex isn’t interested in his life and unsure that he’s willing to share it even if he was. 

“I guess,” Alex says awkwardly and Michael feels like an idiot. Of course Roswell isn’t home for Alex. He wonders if anything feels like home for Alex, but he won’t ask, nervous he’ll say that he’s found a home somewhere far from here. 

Michael clears his throat and sits back in his chair. “What about you?” 

“What about me?” he asks, like he’s perplexed Michael would ask him. 

“How long are you stationed here for?” he asks, hoping it doesn’t start something. It’s a safe question right? He’s asking for Nova’s sake. To know how long her other daddy will be here for. He’s allowed to have that kind of information now that they share a kid, right? 

Alex crosses his arms and sits back in his own seat, body growing tenser as he answers, “Well it’s the military, so, you know how it is.” He shrugs. 

Yeah. Michael knows how it is. Too well for his liking. 

“I just want to make sure that Nova isn’t going to get attached and then…” he trails off, not even wanting to think about Alex leaving again. 

“And then I leave,” Alex says with a sneer. “Are you asking for Nova or for  _ you _ ?” 

Michael’s entire body tenses up, feeling like he’s being called out. He bites his tongue to keep from saying any one of the countless thoughts that come to his mind. He doesn’t want to fight here, not where Nova can see them. Not where Nova can feel the tension and grow upset. 

They sit in silence for several long moments, staring at each other, daring the other to blink first, but eventually the sound of Nova’s giggle distracts both of them. When Alex looks back at him, the tension in his body is gone and what’s left is exhaustion. 

“I’ve been told they are keeping me here until the end of my contract,” Alex says. “It’s the military so you can’t ever be 100% sure, but I think they’ll hold to that given everything…” 

Alex doesn’t elaborate on what exactly everything is, but Michael assumes it’s connected to his injury and doesn’t ask. That’s not information Alex is likely to give him no matter how much Michael wants to know the details of what happened. 

“The, uh, end of your contract?” he asks, trying not to sound too hopeful. 

“It’s up in December. I’m not planning on reupping,” Alex says. “You don’t have to protect Nova from me.” 

Michael sighs, running a tired hand over his face and through his hair. “That’s not what I’m doing.” 

“Isn’t it?” Alex asks. 

“No,” he says firmly. If he was trying to protect Nova from Alex leaving her like he was always leaving Michael, he wouldn’t have agreed to let them hang out in the first place. 

Nova walks back over to them and crawls into Michael’s lap without a word. She pulls Laika in closer to her chest and puts her thumb in her mouth before Michael pulls it out and keeps hold of her hand so she can’t try and suck on it again. 

“I’m done, Daddy,” Nova tells him, her voice sleepy. Michael looks down at his watch, surprised to find that it’s 7:45pm. They’ve been here with Alex for almost 3 hours. 

“I’m gonna go take care of the bill,” Alex says, standing up before Michael can protest or try to pay. 

“We’ve gotta get you home for a bath tonight before bedtime,” he tells her. 

She pulls her hand out of his own and rubs at her eyes, whining like she only does when she’s truly tired. He’ll be shocked if she even makes it to the car before passing out. “No baf. Bed.” 

“Yes bath, then bed,” he says, rubbing her back as she yawns. “It’ll be a quick one. No bubbles. Just to get all the dirt off you.” 

She doesn’t argue with him, just snuggles closer into his chest. 

“Tired, Baby?” he asks and she nods. 

“Wiz got a gant,” she says as he runs his hand through her tangled hair and she closes her eyes. 

“Liz got a grant? That’s exciting,” he says. 

“In Fan Diego,” she tells him. 

“Oh.” Michael wonders if Max already knows this or not. “Well San Diego has some great science labs.” 

“Yeah,” she agrees as if she’s ever been herself. “Fe weavin’ foon.” 

Michael sighs. If Liz is leaving soon, he’s about to have a grumpy Max and a grumpy Nova to contend with. 

“How does that make you feel?” he asks. Nova’s teacher had told him before he left that it will be important to focus on her emotional development as well as her academic development. Considering her empathic abilities, he agrees. It will be important for him to help her sort through what her own feelings are as she’s regularly impacted by the feelings of others. He’s been trying to research how to do that, considering he’s never been that great at his own emotional regulation. 

“Fad,” she says. “But gants are good.” 

“Yeah, we can be sad for ourselves but we have to be happy for other people,” he tells her. “Getting her research funded is a good thing.” 

Alex walks back over to the table and grabs his coat off the chair. 

“You ready?” Alex asks and Michael nods, standing up. He’s about to tell Nova to say goodnight, but she’s already snoozing in his arms, snoring every so slightly. 

“It’s been a long day,” he says apologetically. 

“It’s fine, she’s tired,” Alex says. 

They walk to their cars in silence, both of them parked right next to each other. Michael juggles Nova as he digs his keys out of his pocket. Alex moves to help him but Michael’s already got it. Alex does get the door for him though and as Michael is putting Nova into her carseat, she starts to wake up, all blinky eyed and loose. 

“You weed me a towee?” Nova asks, eyes trained on Alex. 

Michael continues to buckle her into her seat as Alex says, “Not tonight, Kiddo.” 

She frowns and before she can start to cry, Michael steps in. “It’s okay, you’ll see your daddy again.” 

“When?” she asks him and Michael looks back at Alex in question. 

“I work a late shift tomorrow, I won’t be done til after bedtime,” he says with a wince. 

Nova starts to complain loudly, visibly upset and Michael prepares to deal with a screaming overtired kid all the way home. 

“I don’t work until 9:30. I could stop by before,” Alex offers, his voice is tentative and Michael immediately says, “You don’t have to.” 

He doesn’t want Alex feeling like seeing Nova is a chore. 

“I want to,” Alex says. 

The words warm Michael’s heart and clearly make Nova feel better because she wipes her tears with the back of her hand and only sniffles a few more times. 

“Okay,” he says. “Well see you tomorrow then.” 

“Okay,” Alex says, then turns to Nova. “I’ll see you in the morning. It’ll be quick but maybe I can bring breakfast for us?” 

Nova shakes her head. “It okay. Daddy make us bakefaf.” 

Michael scoffs before letting out a laugh and tickling Nova’s side. “Oh he will, will he?” 

Nova is clearly tired because she only barely laughs as she squirms away from his fingers. 

“Say goodnight to your daddy,” Michael tells her, moving out of the way so that Alex can have room to say goodbye. 

“Bye daddy,” Nova says, opening her arms for a hug which Alex gives her. “Amowowo, Daddy make pancakes.” 

Michael rolls his eyes fondly as he leans back against his car. He waits another moment while they exchange I love yous and then Alex stands up straight and closes the door. 

“Apparently I’m making pancakes tomorrow morning,” Michael says with a smile, putting his hands in his pockets to protect against the urge to hug Alex goodbye himself. “That okay with you?” 

“Whatever is good,” Alex says, putting his own hands in his pockets and rocking back on his feet awkwardly. 

“Okay, well…” Michael isn’t really sure how to end this. They’ve only ever had two settings: fuck or fight. And he’s not doing either right now. If this were Max or Isobel, he’d lean in for a hug before taking off. If it were any of his friends at UNM, there would be a friendly handshake. But Michael doesn’t trust himself to touch and not want more. Nor is he sure that his touch would be remotely welcome. “I guess, night?” 

“Goodnight, Guerin,” Alex says, giving him an awkward wave and turning to his own car, unlocking the door. 

Michael would probably stand there like an idiot watching him drive off, just as he always does whenever Alex leaves, but Nova starts whining loud enough to be heard through the closed car door and he really does need to get her home. So he walks around the car and gets in, trying not to get too hopeful at the idea of cooking Alex breakfast in the morning. After all, this isn’t about him. 

“Let’s go home, Baby,” Michael tells Nova as he starts the engine and backs out of the space. 

“Home,” Nova says through a sleepy yawn right before falling back asleep and Michael can’t help but feel like their home just drove off in the other direction. But it’s fine, he tells himself. He’s always been satisfied with his life, happy and virtually whole since Nova was born. He doesn’t need Alex. Not when he’s got Nova. 

It’s fine. 


End file.
